Taken for granted.

I'm really quite upset today. I have revisited the past due to the events on the present, and have come to see that many of the people I care for most take me for granted. It seems that ever since my childhood, I have always been respected least out of the entire group. Left to be the outlet for taking out frustration, used as the butt of the joke, or seen as the feeling less loser who will take every blow at me. All this because I was too nice to ever speak up for myself. The most unfair thing of my entire life long situation is that all this is done to me, but if i even attempt to reciprocate the actions against the person who initiated it, I am seen as THE MEAN ONE, the bitch, and everyone turns on me. Ignored and exiled. It really gets to me now, because all I do is try to keep everyone I care about happy. I give my friends absolutely everything. A place to sleep whenever they need it, the ability to do whatever they want in my house whenever they want, to the best of my abilities. Yet i always feel like I'm never good enough, and i can't keep anyone happy, and this whole frustration outlet, butt of the joke, feeling less loser comes into play. Yeah maybe I'm dumb for taking it, but going against it obviously upsets everyone, and I really don't want to be alone. It's whats I've always been afraid of.
but I find it tremendously unfair that everyone gets mad at me
and I cant get mad at anyone. Ever.
Ugh i just don't want to be alone.